I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
