i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
