Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
pray to the hookup gods
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
