Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
