your parents love me but you hate me
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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