Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
