After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
