4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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