Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
