Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
