look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
