Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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