Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
