i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
