i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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