My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
