So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
