I have demons in me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize