My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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