my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
you never un-have a 4some
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize