I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
