I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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