I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
