I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
