Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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