i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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