Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
