He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
