dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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