He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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