considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
