I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize