Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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