i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
