remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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