I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
