If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
