Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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