Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
