Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
