Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize