i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
