even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
