Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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