my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
