I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Randomize
