the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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