she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
