life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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