Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
