it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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