tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
