i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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