Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
