just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
