Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize