Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
