Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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