drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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