Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As shirtless as possible
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
