Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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