wakey wakey hands off snakey
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
