My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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