She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
