I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
