I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
