hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
