her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
